The Apartment

He looks out the window in the night sky after a long day's work, thinking of what has become of himself. Across his apartment balcony, in the window of the building opposite his, stares a woman, solemn, pained. Their eyes meet, and, slowly, they wave at each other. Not a word was spoken.

This was not the first time.

Dazed and amused

The girl with the pink umbrella 

"Why on this earth you want this one !! Its a plasticky bright colored umbrella and  we have no sign of rain in near future." I double checked on the accu-weather app.

"Because its pretty." She smiled batting eyelashes . 

5 minutes later . A drizzle started. With the umbrella in her hand, she looked at me and I could see the Olympics gold medal winning grin on her face. "See, I told you. "

(F@#k you accu-weather.)

King Julien (Made in China)

"Oh, I love this cute little soft baby. I want it."
"Let me see. Ok. This looks ugly. Its as ugly as king Julien from madagascar."
"Look at its big eyes. Aww. I love it. I want it."
"See". I pointed at the tag. "Its made in china. You know they employ child labor in plastic factories. We should banish Chinese items."
She frowned. Gave me a cold look. "Ok, fine. Don't get it for me. I will buy it for myself". Then made that whimpering, simpering  cute little sad face.
(kill me.. kill me.. I couldn't stand that look for any longer. I surrendered) "Ok, its cute. Lets get it".

The scooter

"Seriously. Do I look like a kid who likes toys ?."
"Shut up! Its a gift. So you have to love it. Its pretty."
"Ok. I never said that its bad. But I am a 26 year old guy. Can't you get anything that suits my age ?."  I replied  readying myself to say sorry in my next statement.
"Listen you stupid engineer. This is a perfect gift from a girl to a boy." With her usual flares. "Now accept that its nice."
"I do."

P.S.
On any normal day I am a guy with a stubborn head. I don't listen to people much and blabber at my own will.

Crimson Skies

On the other side of the river.

His body started moving. He pushed himself forward to the edge and stared in to the water. It was a bright full moon day . He looked at his hands. They were covered with mud. He took  a handful of water and splashed it on his face. He was feeling suffocated. His throat was blocked. He vomited and looked back. She was lying dead back there in mud. There was thin stream of blood flowing out of her nose. Her face was still looking that pretty.They had consumed poison together. He was slowly gaining his sense. He crawled back to her body and started crying looking at her. Voice won't come out of his mouth. He touched her face . He always loved her beautiful eyes. They were still open. But lifeless.

Clouds covered the moon. The sky was pitch black.

It was one year back. He was just nineteen then. A good son to the respected head priest of the village. A devoted God's man. Until that morning when she came by with her friends to pray for her board exams . She couldn't come inside the temple premises .People said she was untouchable. She was nervous. He saw her and came outside with a flower from the deity's feet . He blessed her, dropped the flower on her head and assured that the lord will help her.She tinkled her eyes and smiled. He saw God. In her smile.

The sky was clear. Blue.

They started meeting after her exams got over. By the dismantled old bridge on the river in the moonlit nights. They were in love.They talked a lot in those star gazed nights. He was charmed by her innocence. She would tell him how much she wanted to go to the moon . And if she could see the elves and fairies there. She was surprised that they never aged - playing hide-and-seek among the silver-rimmed clouds and atop the starlit trees on the faint horizon. She would tell him how her father worked very hard to get her education and earn some respect . She was childlike. He used to enjoy her frolic to his heart's fill. In return he would tell her how much he hated his work and wanted to go to the city and start his own shop ,have some money and settle down with her .

He could hear some noise. Seems like a group of people on the opposite side of the river. They were calling out his name.Of course they were searching for both of them. He tried to raise his hand . He couldn't. He was afraid. He started crawling towards the bridge .If he could only reach there. Perhaps then he can escape. He gathered all his strength and gave it a try.His vision  was getting dimmed. His legs trembled . There was a gust of wind. He fainted on the bridge.

The dawn was approaching. The sky was about to turn crimson.

The same morning. Her father was humiliated in public by the village heads. The head priest himself accused the poor man of trying to lure his son using his daughter. They were banished from the village.

He rubbed his bleary eyes.  The bridge had disappeared .He found himself in a small dirty room. His hands and legs chained. He felt as if he was in a deep sleep for many years. He was sweating profusely. He was scared.

"Sir, this crazy man poisoned and killed an innocent village girl last winter and has lost his mind after that. People like him should be hanged in public ". The guard outside the door was telling a man in black coat.

It was dusk.He could see the sun setting down the horizon from his small window.  He screamed.

The sky was blood red.

Pineapple Express

Ever seen a flamboyant pineapple?

How will you feel if you are constantly threatened that she will run away with her girlfriend if you neglect her ? Scary/Funny/Weird !!!..

What do NITs lack ? ('F'ashion??)

Who else in this universe knows the following?
KFC, FUBU-Amsterdam, Banamali, Madhusudan and Gober-dhan.

Why cellular networks are very poor in mountainous areas ? (Guess the best answer :))

Where will you get the worst omelette ? hint->even the salt is not uniformly put

What is the best pain reliever available ?

Is this true that only Rajanikant knows Victoria's Secrets ?

Which is the best country in this whole world ?
a. South Korea
b. South Korea
c. South Korea
d. All of the above

Which is better - Chocolate, IceCream, Gulab-jamun ?

Time flies fast. And only a few guys meet a few girls who blow their minds away. Destiny.

And yes , I know a flamboyant pineapple (With a pair of spectacles and a cute nose :D).

From the Ashes

Unspoken words, unspoken volumes

You were meant to understand

If you didn't, I won't ask you for it

You know how intense I am

No half measures for me

My words spoken once were yours forever.

Our lives may engulf in shimmering colors..

But remember the strange trails they chose

When our eyes used to seek for words

Remember, even I longed for moments of bliss.

I lied and something remained

I speak the truth and the fire is lit

I am afraid of both outcomes

The darkness within me still seeks the Light.

You only took away the name to the relationship

But your place is sacred as it should be

Try I might to hate,but you are here

Today and always.

Fear

Show courage and the world stands behind you. Fear and you are alone.

I am five.I am afraid of my new school. I fear getting lost in the market. I hold her hand tight on the busy streets. I cry each time somebody shouts at me. Everything is too scary and I am a coward.

Me... I wear shorts. I am nine years old. I am the bravest guy in my school. I can chase stray dogs like an expert. I have super powers which I am yet to discover. I can run faster than the train. I can easily trace people with haunted pasts in the crowd. I have a tiny metal crucifix .Mind you, not ordinary.

I am in middle of fourteen and fifteen. I still wear shorts. There is a little hair growing under my nose. Makes me feel confident. I can correctly predict my every reaction .I respect communism. I think I have lived a simple and honest life.

And I haven't yet sinned much to fear.

I am nineteen. Careless about pain or any threat of a danger. I have the bestest friends in the whole world. I am nineteen and I am in love. I meet her. She is white as snow.That brightness blinds me each time I look at her face and begins erasing every trace of self confidence from my memory. I want this time to stop. They say if you slow your breathing, time slows down. But there is very less time and even lesser oxygen.

I have acquired the fear of losing myself. And her.

Its twenty five now. I am often having this weird dream. I can hear somebody screaming out there. Worse ,my body has been cast in cement with airbags and seatbelts. In chess, it's called zugzwang... when the only viable move is not to make any move. I stay still. Next moment , I want to break free and rise. I want to chase that bear and I am not afraid anymore, but when I wake up, there's no bear.I'm not a bear hunter. I'm an executive at a firm .

And I fear only Mondays.

P.S. - In real world, that kiddo in the pic is a brave lad. He is called Kayosh .

Peace

"I want to go to a place thats warm and without a memory"

-- Shawshank Redemption

Peace is when I am on a high.

Peace is when I find my bed clean and ready to hug me .

Peace is Saturday morning newspaper.

Peace is when I can't hear anything though everyone around me is crying and screaming.

Peace is when I stand in the middle of the road with rain falling in torrents around me and there are droplets on my face with my eyes closed.

Peace is when my roommate plays "Hotel California" and I listen to him like a kid .

Peace is when I hear that she is going to tie knot with some "Puppy Cool Dude from XXXXXX".

Peace is when I think that now all my future life , I will have to imagine her in her wedding attire with a different man (considerably less smart than me, the narcissist in me will ensure that) .

Peace is when we go out on a walk at 3 o'clock in the morning on the lonely roads of the big city.

Peace is when I lock myself in my room with lights off and "November Rain" playing in the back ground for hours.

Peace is when I watch a lot of violent movies with blood and gore , decapitations, disembowelments, arms and legs torn off and tossed aside.

Peace is when I smile , and smile and keep on smiling at nothing.

Peace is in realizing that I can never be complete , content and perfect.

Such is peace :).

Blast from the past

A lazy Jan afternoon, 2007:

After donning the tie of Chandan Sarangi , Anand's white-collar shirt and Rahul's shoes , I went straight for the first ever HR interview of my life. Half awake , after a night out. If not awesome , it was quite a decent experience (After that I have never appeared for any HR interview till date). Excerpts from that small incident:

May I come in ?

Yes , Good afternoon Mr Panda. please have a seat. Nice to have you here.

Good afternoon sir and Same here :) (With a biig fake smile)

So should we start. And we can be all informal and frank here. I love frank and honest people Mr Panda. But after serving 20 years with Indian Army as a Lt Col., I am finding very less of the sort in the corporate world. Anyways, feel free to interrupt me anytime you wish.

(Continuing with the same fake big smile) Ok .

So first of all I am a bit confused about your full name ..Is panda your surname ?

(Now that was the most bullshit thing I was not expecting. I have a rather difficult sounding name I agree. But after explaining the history/meaning to 1000s of people 1000s of times, it was really getting irritating.But ..He is the interviewer.So I set myself about the task of showing my exemplary skill of making small talk) Yes sir. It actually means ...(blah blah blah)

Good . So Mr Panda, what do you know about Embedded Systems ?

Absolutely nothing . I just know that my mobile phone is an embedded system.

Ok, Thats a good point of information to start with.So lets go through your resume...(1st page)Looks nice ..(2nd page) Good. (Last page). Seems your grades are falling after each semester. What might be the reason Mr Panda ?

Simple sir. I am not concentrating much on studies.

(He was not expecting that blunt answer. so he paused..and after a second ,smiled ) Thats a brutally honest answer.So what are you concentrating more on , son ?

Some more important aspects of life sir .Personal ones.(Just to make him stop from digging further into my studying habits.)

Ok , lets move to some general questions. So where do you see yourself five years from now ?

(I tried recollecting what Anand told me as answer of this "always asked idiotic question" in a HR interview. But mixed it up and gave some garbage answer.)

Ok son. I can understand. You are still very young . You have a lot of time to think over this thing.

Yes .(So then and there only my first and only "five year plan" got its conclusion).

So tell me. For a start up company like us, whose satisfaction according to you is more important ? The Employee's or the Customer's.

(mine , mine and only mine) Both I think. But the customer always has the money. So its 49-51 kind of thing.

So tell us something more about you Mr Panda. Your interests, hobbies etc etc.

(Hope he never checked my Orkut account , 2007. Interests: Females , Hobbies: Sleeping , wasting time) I am an avid movie lover and my hobbies include "blah blah (a long list)".

Quite impressive. So what was the last movie you watched ?

(Recollecting from the previous night out) Full metal jacket. Stanley Kubrick.

Great one. We used to watch a lot of war movies in our army days. And thats one of my favorites. So you like war movies ?

Yes sir. I love wars. err.. war movies. I am a great fan of Indian military.

Hmm. I can see, you are wearing an Indian Navy tie.

(Am I ??!! rechecked .. No doubt it was from Chandan Sarangi.) Yeah. Got it from a friend :).

So why do you want to join a start up company like us ? What potential value do you think you can create for the company ?

(Ans1: You are offering a handsome salary, Ans2: No idea). Blah blah blah....

And after 15/20 more minutes of same old set of questions, the interview was over. But frankly , He was a true gentleman and I was too sleepy .

The same evening after the results were out:

Hey babes. I got a good news.

I have a bad news. My neighbor's pet kitten died this morning. I loved it so much.It was so cute. I am really sad :(.

Deepest condolence . But don't worry. I will get you a kitten in the summer holidays once I am in Bhubaneswar.

(With her usual flares) I do not want to meet you and spoil my awesomeness you know :P. But I am gonna miss the cute little thing so much :( . Anyways , you said you have some good news. whats that ?

Oh , never mind. Tell me more about that kitten :).

Yeah. You know it was like ... ... ...

And we continued.

Prabanchana (Deception)

Long time back I used be in touch with a beautiful poetess (can't even recollect her full name now). Found this one in my gmail archives sent by her. So this is for you "Krishna mam" . A translation will follow soon.

Bloody HappYness

"I am happy right now. It is a fleeting moment."

-- Pursuit of Happyness

In my subtly manoeuvred and virtually_no_level_of_surprise life , I find sometime each day (streching from a minute to 24 hours) to waste doing nothing . But gradually I am realizing that these are the moments which are making me think more about all the unnecessary things about myself, which in turn are making my introspection process a lot more interesting.

Fifteen years down the lane , I was a good boy. NOT a happy one though . I was being constantly reminded of life's hardships and struggles. There was this deal. Deal to score and run the race. It was real, It was heavy.I was told without success one can not ever be happy. I accepted.

Years passed on. There was dawn of adolescence on the horizon of my braincells. I started becoming a "lesser good" boy . I began questioning everything. I was not ready to accept that life is either cliché or contrived or boring. There was success. There was attention and pressure. I told myself "C'Mon Get happy now". I felt the reaction. It felt good. But still not happy.

Time rolled on further. I was at a new place and with new people.Free and careless. Kicked all problems in life with my left foot.I had no sorrows and no complaints. Though sometimes I was restless , but that was only a part of the race towards future.I created and erased my set of expectations from life as per my convenience. "Now this is happyness" I pressed it on myself.But I was just releived, not happy.

Clock ticked on. I became a bit more wise and experienced with my surroundings. Had comforts and a few sparks in life.I slowed myself down in the race.

Decided that this time I have to find my happyness in absolute terms. I started looking for happy people. Found none. I created a imaginative figure of a happy man. Tried following him.Failed . Thought doing away with "expectations" might bring the feeling closer. It din't. :)

Sometimes we experience happiness in eyeblinks. The rest of the time we are just chasing after it. Though many times I have pretended to myself that I was never unhappy in the first place and it was just the wrong way of realization of a feeling which I never recognized , I am still looking for a big bucket full of it .Somebody said "being happy is a gift". And I am waiting for mine .

Half Remembered Dream

""

Oh ..Its a coffee shop. Is it a coffee shop ? Yeah seems so.But they are selling ice creams here..Nah..Its an Ice cream parlor.No , wait a min .Its a coffee shop. Its called downtown cafe .Phuk,,my mind is not stable...Hmm , might be..I haven't slept since last 30 hours.

So whats sen doing here ? "chhotu , ek cup chai lana.malai maar ke".No I shouldn't insult him.The BMW arrives. Now how can somebody afford a BMW ?

Ok I must move to my table.She is waiting for me. She ..who ? The waitress..No.Let me remember..the phrase was "Damsel in distress".So is she expecting a free coffee ? I put my hands in my pocket..only sands.I guess that BMW is mine.

"You have changed a lot.Look at yourself , u look fat".
"so ?".
"I don't need you anymore.I hate fat people" .
"Wait..don't leave me.I love you. I have money".
"Die with your money , I am leaving".

She vanished.There is smoke.

The CEO of my company is arrested on fraud charges. So says the news paper.What else is on the table ? The menu card , salt and pepper. Who takes salt in coffee ?? Damn , everything is so expensive. I like Tetly. I can listen the pressure cooker whistle. But why are they preparing coffee in a pressure cooker..These people are insane.

I think this coffee shop is in Borneo.There is so much greenery all around. But I must not go out of the shop.There are cannibals waiting outside.Gross. I am vegetarian.

I am jobless now.I have to hatch a plan to rescue my CEO from the high security facility in Nevada deserts .Wait..let him die there. I don't care for him.He is an asshole anyways. But I need money.I have nothing but sands in my pocket.I am at the beach.

It is Bali. Julia Roberts is here. She is back from India after praying.She needs love. She has a lovely smile. Dido has a lovely smile too. But the waitress is more beautiful.She has a sharp nose. And she is tiny too . She talks a lot and she knows yoga . She likes monkeys. But there are none in Bali.

There is blood on the table. Seems somebody died. He was sniped. Dragunov SVU-A. Bull's head.I have a gun in my hand.Its a M1 Garand.I am head of a Panzer division. I have to destroy that bridge on river..which river ? Damn , whats happening to my memory ?

I hate violence.Only Bhushan likes it.I hate closed rooms and coffee without sugar. I can prepare excellent tea.I am owner of a tea garden in Darjeeling.Then what I am doing at a coffee shop ? Am I here to buy it. No , I think I came here to meet my girl.

slap !!!! "Panda ..uthe"

Who the fuck ? That didn't pain much though. My ear is still buzzing .Some M'fucker slapped me.

""

"Panda..Wake up bugger..Its already midnight. Go have your dinner."

Ummm..I opened my eyes. I am on my bed.Alive. I should dream a little more . No , I should get up and have some coffee.

The Lunch Table

Panda, Danda, Sen, Nike, Prabhu

Danda:(Looking at Sen's plate)Man , you are not going to waste food today ?
Panda: Its already a waste when he is eating it .
Nike: (Makes a shit face)The food is again horrible.The oil in the curry looks like the oil fields in Iraq..
Sen: Yes, actually I am thinking how the galz will eat this food.
Prabhu:Dont behave like kids.Respect your food.
Panda:Man you saw mayawati's rally ? wat a waste of public money man..
Danda:Behenji ne sab ki ma behen kardi..sale 200 crore..abe apni company ka turnover bhi utna nahin hoga..
Prabhu:Guyz..I condemn the way Mayawati spent 200 crores mindlessly .It could have been used for a lot of good work.Schools , hospitals..These politicians..I am seriously worried about India's future ..and ..again.. #$%%^&$#$

Sen Interrupts ::

Sen: hey guyz, look ..a new chick that side..she looks good man..
All heads turn..
Panda: you mf, thats an aunty..For God's sake..spare the aunties man
Sen: is it..ok.I din't knw..these days you cant guess a female's age
Nike: (Makes a zombie face) Guyz you know I fixed all cisco reported bugs
Danda: Abe I am yet to start on them. Btw prabhuji is going to treat us in Taj.
Prabhu: (Suddenly stopped eating )And when was that decided ? When did i say so..
Panda: hey..leave it..Its decided now..prabhu will treat us in sheraton..I think he is ok with it
Prabhu:What the heck..You guyz are impossible
Sen:Hey there will be a lot of chicks there..yes yes..we want in sheraton..(Looks around for response)

Nobody responds..again all 5 eating quietly for next 5 mins..

(Suddenly)
Danda:hey sen..chhota ba*** ..its we who need galz..you already have 2 gfs in hitech city
Sen:If you guyz are talking abt S and R , then mind you..They are just frens..nothing else
Nike: yes..they don't deserve to be galz..they can only be frens
Panda: Sen ko sab chalta hai..bf ..gf..everything :)..(grins)
Prabhu: Stop these things..you guyz have anything else to discuss..
Danda: Hey there is one joke i just remembered..its a hilarious one..Once a guy was there..then..
Panda:(Trying to distract him)danda, what time is the faluknama express ?
Danda: main kya railway enquiry hun ? fuck man..i forgot the joke.. (Everyone laughs)

Panda: (After some deep thinking) I am thinking of leaving early today..
Danda: abe tu aya kab be ? sale 12 baje to aaya..aur jaldi bhi jana hai..office tere sasur ka hai kya..
Sen: I wish the MD had a girl of my age..He couldn't hav found a more suitable guy than me.
Nike: he got a new merc yesterday man..I heard its 51 L..extravagent life
(All 5 made big shit faces listening to this)
Panda: yes man..and we are still in Autos and buses..Prabhuji..buy a car man
Prabhu:No need..public transport is the best medium ..it saves fuel and creates less pollution
panda: ooh god..hey bhagwan..ya allah..jesus..OK agreed..

Silence for next 2 minutes..

Sen: Guyz..I think we guyz are getting old..and still none of has a valid gf till now..we are a shame to software community yaar
Panda: yes man..I also think the same..Danda promised to introduce us to some of his beautiful frens..but he never did..disgusting..really
Danda:(Makes the shittiest face) Do I look like a pimp to you ?
Nike: Accha prabhu..U never told us about NB ? She is ur gal right ?..(Hints at Panda to give cover fire )
Panda:yes man..even we want to know..u never speak about her..where is she..how is she..etc etc..
Prabhu: Get your facts right ..Guyz don't create imaginary figures and associate me with them..I am saying..I dont know any such girl..
Nike:Abe prabhu to sharma gaye be..panda you say..how must be NB looking like ?
Panda:(Closed his eyes..thinking deeply..)Taking my vast experience and prabhuji's taste in to account . I think she must be a true blue bong..with a pair of thick spects .communist supporter..jhola bag..and she must be doing MA in english from calcutta university
Sen:bong chicks man..awesome..all sens..ria ,raima,nandana..super hot..I am proud to be a sen..
Danda: you are a fake bong u mf..1971 ke war time me Bangladesh se migrate karke aa gaya tha ye..
Sen: and you proxy gulti..chiranjeevi ki aulaad..chapu chapu..sale..
Prabhu: Guyz stop talking regionalism here..we are all indians first ..and we shouldn't indulge ourselves in petty things like..

Panda interrupts..

Panda:I am feeling sleepy now..They should allow 2 hours sleep break after lunch..
Nike:How many hours a day you sleep man ?
Sen: Your wife will be very unhappy and unsatisfied..
Danda:Abe tu apni biwi ke bare me soch..btw chhotu..Dont worry..We will be all there to help you :) (440 volts demonic smile on his niga' face)
Prabhu:You guyz started again..No personal attacks please.. Guyz I think we are done with our lunch..we should get up now..
Sen: wait for me..i am yet to finish..
Panda: fuck off you ba*** ..nobody is going to wait for you..anyways you are going to throw half of your plate again as usual..you know in Ethiopia..they would have hanged u daily for wasting food..
Danda:usko bol ke kuch fayeda nahin hai..btw..its a friday..wat plans tonight guyz ?
Nike:(gives one of his rare smiles) Panda..romanov or smirnoff ?? Hey lets have antiquity today.
panda:yes man ..sure man..Prabhu..u game for the party ?
Prabhu: Why the hell you ask when you know that I will say NO..btw wat are we waiting for ? Sen's lunch is over..lets go..
all: Hmmm..

At the washers:
Sen: (In a low voice) Abe panda,,jo bhi bol..wo aunty maal hai be..
Panda: Even I think the same man..but who will risk talking about her in front of Prabhu ?..again Prabhu bani sunna padta..
sen: he he..true true..

And the lunch is over.

Biographies:The Wall

No this is not about Jammy.I am the real wall.Its not hard to find me.I surround everyone.In and out.I can be made with Italian vitrified tiles,with marbles from Belgium or just cement,bricks, stones ,barbed wires or even the waste card-boards can also make me stand.In Tienanmen square some crazy guys tried to make a humanized version of me.But their wall turned in to a heap of dead bodies Later.

I am ageless.I was there in troy when Achilles invaded and destroyed me.I recovered & reappeared , this time on the banks of Daya.The Samrat painted me red with the blood of thousands of the kalingas'.Same man turned saint before my eyes.I blinked and found myself in Mughal court.I assimilated the beauty inside me.Can still feel her sighs sometimes.I got up next morning & was in agra.They say i stand as a epitome of love there.I got a little high at jallianwala bagh.People tried to climb me.Failed and left blood stains.

I brought people close . Then I created differences between brothers ,races,religions.I connected a country across length in china .I divided a country in Germany.I became strongest at the Swiss bank.Weakest in the flood zones of Bihar.I spread hatred & separated people when I got demolished in Ayodhya .At Berlin , I watched love of the long separated hearts when I was brought down .I tried to hold on hard when i was bombarded in Palestine.They made bullet holes through me in Jaffna.Government bulldozers crushed me countless times around the world.But i always survived.

I protected people.I saw a family growing before me.I wore the swastika mark.They decorated me for good luck in festivals.The baby leaned on me to walk its first step.Fell.Leaned again & learnt how to walk.He grew in to a boy.He put Sachin's and pam's posters side by side. I saw the aspirations of that young man & also his frustrations when he hit & kicked me.He got married.Some of his passionate moments with his woman were spent in my arms only.I used to listen to the secrets of the house.They said I had ears.I stood honestly with the family.I saw sons and daughters leaving old parents.I felt the tears of the old father as he rested his head against me & cried.He became alone, just like me.We talked. Old time friends again.

They made movies .Wall-E ,Deewar.But put reshma ki jawani poster on me .Sunny deol injured me in each of his movies.I never felt the pain.They posted flirty messages on me in facebook.The floyds cried of being just another brick inside me.Crazy dumb YOs wrote renegade RoX on my chest.I never complained.I remained static .Surrounding that old municipality school for years as I used to witness the Dilli chalo slogan being written over again and again countless times.Dr.Ali advertised his path-breaking anti-impotency medicines on my head.I became the canvas.People painted me ,some times with color and brush,Most of the times with urea enriched water.I din't complain.I became religious , political and social.Flaunted the aum, the cross and the crescent moon .The hand, the lotus and the elephant.The protests against fee hikes , domestic violence ,corruption & article 377.

Lenon said that my fall would bring peace to world.But i don't have death.I am invictus.Nothing and nobody can cease my existence.I was , I am & I will be.Between rich and poor , between hindu and muslim , between black and white.I become invisible.I touch lives and when I get old, I fall and crush them.And they erect me again.Still everyone loves me.I preserve order.Life keeps on growing around me.People live inside walls.Walls live inside people.Everyone finds his way through me.So the saying goes "Where there is a wall , there is a way".

So next time when you feel alone , try to talk with me.We can share some never ending stories.In silence ... just like the old time friends :).

Crazy Heart

Ain't rememberin' good things just wonderful?

I recall those days when our lives were unusual and electric. I was in hell and you were just passing through. You knew what the risks were with me.And you took them.There was more curiosity and less sensibility.I used to be somebody, And you made me somebody else.We burnt with something close to fire. It was unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable . Days were careless.Life was easy.The winds became the gentle words.The clouds became the distant voices.And the "Moon" was a heart flowing in that clouded mirror.Living an illusion was so beautiful.

And I never realized that I was losing myself for something non-existent.Then there was that moment of truth.

Its been a long time since then .Now we sway to different rhythms. Lives lived without meaning or even directed hopes. No demonstrations of devotion.Freedom with no boundaries.The passage of time is measured only by Handmade stupidity. Life is easy this way also.But is this what I wanted ? Will lives ever change ?

Yes ,they will.Ice will break.Silence will be heard.Hearts will be crazy again. Waiting :)

MOHAA - reborn

Cometh the War ..cometh the man and then cometh MOHAA.


Who can forget that lovely year 2005 when all the 5thBlockersUnited used to go crazy after this one word .It was like a war cry .Be it 2 am in the morning or be it just the previous day of end sem exams.Those were days of guns and snipers.Of grenades and bazookas.Of destroyed village ,stalingrad and remagen . Of allied and axis . The cult figures "killmeesh"(Saxena) , "chhamiya"(Anurag) ,"lord"(Chandan) ,"chikki"(Rahul) , "miyan"(Majid) ,"Arnold" (Dharni) , "Mcube" (Murthy) and "sun_zey" (Verma). The gang of MMPO .The battle between 2nd years and baap-log . The screams and the slangs :).

Times have been changed a lot since then.People are distant and busy. But the spirit is still the same . In a quest to re-ignite that passion for gaming we initiated the magic again .So ,welcome the new players "balatkari"(panda), "Maverick"(danda) , "chhotu_on_fire"(sen) ,"Typhoon" (Bhusan)and "Pralay Nath"(Neeraj) [:)]. Hope this small start will again give the same real-time gaming adrenalin we experienced long back.

After some 4 long years I had my hands again on MOHAA today .Played for 6 long hours . Recollected all those old wonderful flashback moments and felt really amazing.There has been many modern versions of the same game released aftr 2005 , but whenever any 5thBlocker will remember any war game he really got addicted to ,it will be the classic Allied Assault for sure. It was not the game , it was the madness and bond that this game created makes it so special .

So this is an open invitation to any of you guys who wants to join the forces on weekends in Hyderabad , just contact me and be ready with ur laptop.Lets recreate that magic,team up and start afresh for a kill.

Miss u all 5thBlockers,2005. Long live the Honor , Long live MOHAAAAA..

Pic n Move

Declaration: The photographs supplied in this page are free for use as per GNU Free Documentation License 1.2 (GFDL) . ( As if you are interested :P)

Good Old Days ( The last time I took studies seriously , 2002-2004)

Engineer (2008), At least something to show off

Kirkit... Man I love the game :)

Inspirations@Work


That day I became the baby sitter for 2 hours

The Buck Stops Here


Apna Chhotu :)


Deepavali @ Nafees Manjil , Hyd

A Quiver Full of Arrows

Objects in the picture are slimmer than they appear :)

Shadows In The Mirror

I talk in my sleep No doubt!
I am crazy ,nuts and insane
Something within me grows deep
Grasping and breathless
A little dishonest,promises to break.

In the day,you hide,busy, getting on with your life
And I stay Silent, waiting for the night
And then comes my chance
You talk, just as I like…and I reply,
To the thoughts-To the sleeper At my side!

In my sleep I make believes play
I pretend I am many things
The love ,the feel and a little rage!
In my dream when I see you,
Like always there is a rush of a beautiful life!

November Rain

I consider Mondays specially unpleasant in the calender, after the delicious freedom of Saturday and Sunday.By the way this weekend was something special.Though I slept for the scheduled 30 hrs ,the rest 18 hours were really eventful.we got the new DTH and broadband connection.I fell in love with Katrina Kaif again.And there was that wonderful evening with one of the master story tellers of our times at the Landmark store , Lord Jeffry Archer.But what interested me the most was the walk I took from office to home on Saturday evening.I wish I could rewind to that time again.

No doubt I stayed awake the whole Friday night and slept the whole next morning.Late afternoon I came to office, did some so called "pending tasks" and left before my inner self could start protesting.I prefered walking back as the weather seemed quite fine and cosy.

The shiny long winding road by KBR park is a nice treat to eyes.I saw a lot of pretty faces around.There was dew in the air.The atmosphere was grey and translucent.I could feel the breeze and smell the incoming rain.And suddenly there was a flash of lightening & the drumbeat of the rumbling clouds declared the arrival of a downpour.People started running for shelter.I grinned.I love the cold November rains.

So the sky broke into a passionate rain and began falling in torrents.The rain drops glittered as they stuck the sodden ground.I was watching the narrow channels of water formed by the roadside under the trees and followed them unless they submerged with one another to form a small stream. There were drops of water falling from my hair on my face. I have always enjoyed getting drenched in rain and it was one of those rare chances again .A light breeze played about the boughs & scattered stray leaves on the gliding stream below.I started walking along side the stream .Odd pieces of paper,leaves and sticks floated by .The wind blew in gusts, curving the fall of the rain. I found a point where the waters were swirling round and round in eddies.I inserted my finger in the center and tried to feel the flow.Gradually the stream disappeared round a bend at the end of the street.

It was past sunset and there was a soft red on west.It was growing darker by the moment.The rain thinned to a drizzle & the breeze played gently through the trees. The clouds were rolling back.There was a mild,balmy and delicious freshness in the air.The whole earth and sky became dark as a mass of smoke.That darkness at six o'clock was an event,romantic,to be remembered.

I thought of her, smiled and headed for home. My body was shivering in cold, but my heart was warm. A nerve of memory was touched. A day had just passed.

Ekanta ra Samikarana

kichi bhul ra punarabruti
Eka dirgha niswasa

Kichi shruti kichi pratishruti
Sampurna nirabata kichi ta sunyata
Rati ra andhakara re hajijibara iccha
kichi micha tike sata tike aswasana
kichi bastabikata besi chhalana
ekanta ku chupchap sahijibara puruna anubhuti

Eka aparichita nataka re nayaka ra bhumika
nirmana ra moha , dhwansa paijibara bhaya
jitibara akarshana , haribara ashanka
prathama barsha re bhijibara ananda
Kaha akhira marichika re budi jibara anubhaba
chuna chuna hasa ra sitalata , topaye luha ra usmata

Antardwanda re nijaku harei basibara bhaya
Pratarana ra khela re muhan muhin habara sahasa
Nijaku bhrama re rakhibara biphala chesta
Kichi haji jaithiba kshana ra artanada
Eka parajita atma ra niraba pralapa
Samaya ra samapti , antakarana ra subharambha

Marichika ra chakrabuyha ru mukti ra sandhana
aganita prasna ra mayajala re uttara khojibara prayasa
Abhula atita, asamahita bhabisyata
Bhanga goda re thia habara pratikhya
Puni eka nistabhda rati re swapna ra amantrana
Puni eka sabdahina kahani ra janma

kichi bhul ra pryaschita
Eka dirgha niswasa

Dreamer

Its 3.30am.early morning.I am still awake.Don't know why.No reasons.I never feel like sleeping at the usual hours humans do.But i love watching people sleep. So people doubt if i see dreams or i am getting void of them. I confirm , i m a dreamer.

I dream a lot about future.Open eyes.Closed eyes. I dream of my village.There are ponds with fishes and trees with beautiful parrots . Birds who hum all the popular tunes of the day.Brighter days & darker nights.Fading stars,lanterns , radios & long black umbrellas .The autumn breeze.The falling leaves .The morning fog.Her whispers.Thousand expressions in those twinkling eyes.Love. Happiness ,serene and gracious. My world is a pleasant place and it wears one of its pleasantest aspects each time.I smile in my sleep.Must be very cute when i do so.

In reality ,I face people everyday.The likes of genuine unrest inducers.People who create more history that they can consume .I discuss the weaknesses of the world with the totally uninterested ones.I stay quite when she expects me to talk.I build virtual networks and plant isolation in between them.I walk the deserted roads at midnight,whistle to some self-composed tune and talk to myself.I become high and low and everything in between. I quarrel with 6 months old kayush over phone.Try to decrypt the sounds he makes and make my own interpretations.I give myself a lot of benefits of doubt.I make fun of danda & share my dreams with him.Its life. But its interesting.

I even think of an alternate future. A villa at Florence.Alone in the hills,far away from the crowd . The Villa "Sub-Rosa" would sound rather quaint and picturesque.And i suppose i must have a hobby.like..strawberry farming!! or something like wolf-hunting or may be marine research or say kite-flying.I will own a vespa to ride through the winding hilly roads.From my balcony will watch the sun setting behind the cold mountains while the gramophone plays Stevie wonders. Then there will be the black skies , the lightening all around & the cold winds.The first drop of rain falling on my face. Eyes closed , memory erased.Just peace of heart.

They say happiness is relative.For me its becoming absolute.No reference point.I have developed a tolerant feeling of indifference within myself.Someday I might want to trade my happiness.Someday I will come across a really safe thing, a bet that simply can't go astray.Then i shall put it up for all i am worth or rather for a good deal more than i m worth if anybody sold me up to the last button.

And it would be really awkward if it din't happen to come off.