Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Apartment

He looks out the window in the night sky after a long day's work, thinking of what has become of himself. Across his apartment balcony, in the window of the building opposite his, stares a woman, solemn, pained. Their eyes meet, and, slowly, they wave at each other. Not a word was spoken.

This was not the first time.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Dazed and amused

The girl with the pink umbrella 

"Why on this earth you want this one !! Its a plasticky bright colored umbrella and  we have no sign of rain in near future." I double checked on the accu-weather app.
"Because its pretty." She smiled batting eyelashes . 
5 minutes later . A drizzle started. With the umbrella in her hand, she looked at me and I could see the Olympics gold medal winning grin on her face. "See, I told you. "
(F@#k you accu-weather.)

King Julien (Made in China)

"Oh, I love this cute little soft baby. I want it."
"Let me see. Ok. This looks ugly. Its as ugly as king Julien from madagascar."
"Look at its big eyes. Aww. I love it. I want it."
"See". I pointed at the tag. "Its made in china. You know they employ child labor in plastic factories. We should banish Chinese items."
She frowned. Gave me a cold look. "Ok, fine. Don't get it for me. I will buy it for myself". Then made that whimpering, simpering  cute little sad face.
(kill me.. kill me.. I couldn't stand that look for any longer. I surrendered) "Ok, its cute. Lets get it".

The scooter

"Seriously. Do I look like a kid who likes toys ?."
"Shut up! Its a gift. So you have to love it. Its pretty."
"Ok. I never said that its bad. But I am a 26 year old guy. Can't you get anything that suits my age ?."  I replied  readying myself to say sorry in my next statement.
"Listen you stupid engineer. This is a perfect gift from a girl to a boy." With her usual flares. "Now accept that its nice."
"I do."

On any normal day I am a guy with a stubborn head. I don't listen to people much and blabber at my own will.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Crimson Skies

On the other side of the river.

His body started moving. He pushed himself forward to the edge and stared in to the water. It was a bright full moon day . He looked at his hands. They were covered with mud. He took  a handful of water and splashed it on his face. He was feeling suffocated. His throat was blocked. He vomited and looked back. She was lying dead back there in mud. There was thin stream of blood flowing out of her nose. Her face was still looking that pretty.They had consumed poison together. He was slowly gaining his sense. He crawled back to her body and started crying looking at her. Voice won't come out of his mouth. He touched her face . He always loved her beautiful eyes. They were still open. But lifeless.

Clouds covered the moon. The sky was pitch black.

It was one year back. He was just nineteen then. A good son to the respected head priest of the village. A devoted God's man. Until that morning when she came by with her friends to pray for her board exams . She couldn't come inside the temple premises .People said she was untouchable. She was nervous. He saw her and came outside with a flower from the deity's feet . He blessed her, dropped the flower on her head and assured that the lord will help her.She tinkled her eyes and smiled. He saw God. In her smile.

The sky was clear. Blue.

They started meeting after her exams got over. By the dismantled old bridge on the river in the moonlit nights. They were in love.They talked a lot in those star gazed nights. He was charmed by her innocence. She would tell him how much she wanted to go to the moon . And if she could see the elves and fairies there. She was surprised that they never aged - playing hide-and-seek among the silver-rimmed clouds and atop the starlit trees on the faint horizon. She would tell him how her father worked very hard to get her education and earn some respect . She was childlike. He used to enjoy her frolic to his heart's fill. In return he would tell her how much he hated his work and wanted to go to the city and start his own shop ,have some money and settle down with her .

He could hear some noise. Seems like a group of people on the opposite side of the river. They were calling out his name.Of course they were searching for both of them. He tried to raise his hand . He couldn't. He was afraid. He started crawling towards the bridge .If he could only reach there. Perhaps then he can escape. He gathered all his strength and gave it a try.His vision  was getting dimmed. His legs trembled . There was a gust of wind. He fainted on the bridge.

The dawn was approaching. The sky was about to turn crimson.

The same morning. Her father was humiliated in public by the village heads. The head priest himself accused the poor man of trying to lure his son using his daughter. They were banished from the village.

He rubbed his bleary eyes.  The bridge had disappeared .He found himself in a small dirty room. His hands and legs chained. He felt as if he was in a deep sleep for many years. He was sweating profusely. He was scared.

"Sir, this crazy man poisoned and killed an innocent village girl last winter and has lost his mind after that. People like him should be hanged in public ". The guard outside the door was telling a man in black coat.

It was dusk.He could see the sun setting down the horizon from his small window.  He screamed.

The sky was blood red.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Pineapple Express

Ever seen a flamboyant pineapple?

How will you feel if you are constantly threatened that she will run away with her girlfriend if you neglect her ? Scary/Funny/Weird !!!..

What do NITs lack ? ('F'ashion??)

Who else in this universe knows the following?
KFC, FUBU-Amsterdam, Banamali, Madhusudan and Gober-dhan.

Why cellular networks are very poor in mountainous areas ? (Guess the best answer :))

Where will you get the worst omelette ? hint->even the salt is not uniformly put

What is the best pain reliever available ?

Is this true that only Rajanikant knows Victoria's Secrets ?

Which is the best country in this whole world ?
a. South Korea
b. South Korea
c. South Korea
d. All of the above

Which is better - Chocolate, IceCream, Gulab-jamun ?

Time flies fast. And only a few guys meet a few girls who blow their minds away. Destiny.

And yes , I know a flamboyant pineapple (With a pair of spectacles and a cute nose :D).

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

From the Ashes

Unspoken words, unspoken volumes
You were meant to understand
If you didn't, I won't ask you for it
You know how intense I am
No half measures for me
My words spoken once were yours forever.

Our lives may engulf in shimmering colors..
But remember the strange trails they chose
When our eyes used to seek for words
Remember, even I longed for moments of bliss.

I lied and something remained
I speak the truth and the fire is lit
I am afraid of both outcomes

The darkness within me still seeks the Light.
You only took away the name to the relationship
But your place is sacred as it should be
Try I might to hate,but you are here
Today and always.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Show courage and the world stands behind you. Fear and you are alone.

I am five.I am afraid of my new school. I fear getting lost in the market. I hold her hand tight on the busy streets. I cry each time somebody shouts at me. Everything is too scary and I am a coward.

Me... I wear shorts. I am nine years old. I am the bravest guy in my school. I can chase stray dogs like an expert. I have super powers which I am yet to discover. I can run faster than the train. I can easily trace people with haunted pasts in the crowd. I have a tiny metal crucifix .Mind you, not ordinary.

I am in middle of fourteen and fifteen. I still wear shorts. There is a little hair growing under my nose. Makes me feel confident. I can correctly predict my every reaction .I respect communism. I think I have lived a simple and honest life.

And I haven't yet sinned much to fear.

I am nineteen. Careless about pain or any threat of a danger. I have the bestest friends in the whole world. I am nineteen and I am in love. I meet her. She is white as snow.That brightness blinds me each time I look at her face and begins erasing every trace of self confidence from my memory. I want this time to stop. They say if you slow your breathing, time slows down. But there is very less time and even lesser oxygen.

I have acquired the fear of losing myself. And her.

Its twenty five now. I am often having this weird dream. I can hear somebody screaming out there. Worse ,my body has been cast in cement with airbags and seatbelts. In chess, it's called zugzwang... when the only viable move is not to make any move. I stay still. Next moment , I want to break free and rise. I want to chase that bear and I am not afraid anymore, but when I wake up, there's no bear.I'm not a bear hunter. I'm an executive at a firm .

And I fear only Mondays.

P.S. - In real world, that kiddo in the pic is a brave lad. He is called Kayosh .

Sunday, March 13, 2011


"I want to go to a place thats warm and without a memory"
-- Shawshank Redemption

Peace is when I am on a high.
Peace is when I find my bed clean and ready to hug me .
Peace is Saturday morning newspaper.
Peace is when I can't hear anything though everyone around me is crying and screaming.
Peace is when I stand in the middle of the road with rain falling in torrents around me and there are droplets on my face with my eyes closed.
Peace is when my roommate plays "Hotel California" and I listen to him like a kid .
Peace is when I hear that she is going to tie knot with some "Puppy Cool Dude from XXXXXX".
Peace is when I think that now all my future life , I will have to imagine her in her wedding attire with a different man (considerably less smart than me, the narcissist in me will ensure that) .
Peace is when we go out on a walk at 3 o'clock in the morning on the lonely roads of the big city.
Peace is when I lock myself in my room with lights off and "November Rain" playing in the back ground for hours.
Peace is when I watch a lot of violent movies with blood and gore , decapitations, disembowelments, arms and legs torn off and tossed aside.
Peace is when I smile , and smile and keep on smiling at nothing.
Peace is in realizing that I can never be complete , content and perfect.

Such is peace :).

Monday, March 7, 2011

Blast from the past

A lazy Jan afternoon, 2007:

After donning the tie of Chandan Sarangi , Anand's white-collar shirt and Rahul's shoes , I went straight for the first ever HR interview of my life. Half awake , after a night out. If not awesome , it was quite a decent experience (After that I have never appeared for any HR interview till date). Excerpts from that small incident:

May I come in ?
Yes , Good afternoon Mr Panda. please have a seat. Nice to have you here.
Good afternoon sir and Same here :) (With a biig fake smile)

So should we start. And we can be all informal and frank here. I love frank and honest people Mr Panda. But after serving 20 years with Indian Army as a Lt Col., I am finding very less of the sort in the corporate world. Anyways, feel free to interrupt me anytime you wish.
(Continuing with the same fake big smile) Ok .

So first of all I am a bit confused about your full name ..Is panda your surname ?
(Now that was the most bullshit thing I was not expecting. I have a rather difficult sounding name I agree. But after explaining the history/meaning to 1000s of people 1000s of times, it was really getting irritating.But ..He is the interviewer.So I set myself about the task of showing my exemplary skill of making small talk) Yes sir. It actually means ...(blah blah blah)

Good . So Mr Panda, what do you know about Embedded Systems ?
Absolutely nothing . I just know that my mobile phone is an embedded system.

Ok, Thats a good point of information to start with.So lets go through your resume...(1st page)Looks nice ..(2nd page) Good. (Last page). Seems your grades are falling after each semester. What might be the reason Mr Panda ?
Simple sir. I am not concentrating much on studies.
(He was not expecting that blunt answer. so he paused..and after a second ,smiled ) Thats a brutally honest answer.So what are you concentrating more on , son ?
Some more important aspects of life sir .Personal ones.(Just to make him stop from digging further into my studying habits.)

Ok , lets move to some general questions. So where do you see yourself five years from now ?
(I tried recollecting what Anand told me as answer of this "always asked idiotic question" in a HR interview. But mixed it up and gave some garbage answer.)
Ok son. I can understand. You are still very young . You have a lot of time to think over this thing.
Yes .(So then and there only my first and only "five year plan" got its conclusion).

So tell me. For a start up company like us, whose satisfaction according to you is more important ? The Employee's or the Customer's.
(mine , mine and only mine) Both I think. But the customer always has the money. So its 49-51 kind of thing.

So tell us something more about you Mr Panda. Your interests, hobbies etc etc.
(Hope he never checked my Orkut account , 2007. Interests: Females , Hobbies: Sleeping , wasting time) I am an avid movie lover and my hobbies include "blah blah (a long list)".

Quite impressive. So what was the last movie you watched ?
(Recollecting from the previous night out) Full metal jacket. Stanley Kubrick.
Great one. We used to watch a lot of war movies in our army days. And thats one of my favorites. So you like war movies ?
Yes sir. I love wars. err.. war movies. I am a great fan of Indian military.
Hmm. I can see, you are wearing an Indian Navy tie.
(Am I ??!! rechecked .. No doubt it was from Chandan Sarangi.) Yeah. Got it from a friend :).

So why do you want to join a start up company like us ? What potential value do you think you can create for the company ?
(Ans1: You are offering a handsome salary, Ans2: No idea). Blah blah blah....

And after 15/20 more minutes of same old set of questions, the interview was over. But frankly , He was a true gentleman and I was too sleepy .

The same evening after the results were out:

Hey babes. I got a good news.
I have a bad news. My neighbor's pet kitten died this morning. I loved it so much.It was so cute. I am really sad :(.

Deepest condolence . But don't worry. I will get you a kitten in the summer holidays once I am in Bhubaneswar.
(With her usual flares) I do not want to meet you and spoil my awesomeness you know :P. But I am gonna miss the cute little thing so much :( . Anyways , you said you have some good news. whats that ?

Oh , never mind. Tell me more about that kitten :).
Yeah. You know it was like ... ... ...

And we continued.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Prabanchana (Deception)

Long time back I used be in touch with a beautiful poetess (can't even recollect her full name now). Found this one in my gmail archives sent by her. So this is for you "Krishna mam" . A translation will follow soon.

Bloody HappYness

"I am happy right now. It is a fleeting moment."
-- Pursuit of Happyness

In my subtly manoeuvred and virtually_no_level_of_surprise life , I find sometime each day (streching from a minute to 24 hours) to waste doing nothing . But gradually I am realizing that these are the moments which are making me think more about all the unnecessary things about myself, which in turn are making my introspection process a lot more interesting.

Fifteen years down the lane , I was a good boy. NOT a happy one though . I was being constantly reminded of life's hardships and struggles. There was this deal. Deal to score and run the race. It was real, It was heavy.I was told without success one can not ever be happy. I accepted.

Years passed on. There was dawn of adolescence on the horizon of my braincells. I started becoming a "lesser good" boy . I began questioning everything. I was not ready to accept that life is either cliché or contrived or boring. There was success. There was attention and pressure. I told myself "C'Mon Get happy now". I felt the reaction. It felt good. But still not happy.

Time rolled on further. I was at a new place and with new people.Free and careless. Kicked all problems in life with my left foot.I had no sorrows and no complaints. Though sometimes I was restless , but that was only a part of the race towards future.I created and erased my set of expectations from life as per my convenience. "Now this is happyness" I pressed it on myself.But I was just releived, not happy.

Clock ticked on. I became a bit more wise and experienced with my surroundings. Had comforts and a few sparks in life.I slowed myself down in the race.

Decided that this time I have to find my happyness in absolute terms. I started looking for happy people. Found none. I created a imaginative figure of a happy man. Tried following him.Failed . Thought doing away with "expectations" might bring the feeling closer. It din't. :)

Sometimes we experience happiness in eyeblinks. The rest of the time we are just chasing after it. Though many times I have pretended to myself that I was never unhappy in the first place and it was just the wrong way of realization of a feeling which I never recognized , I am still looking for a big bucket full of it .Somebody said "being happy is a gift". And I am waiting for mine .