Crazy Heart

Ain't rememberin' good things just wonderful?

I recall those days when our lives were unusual and electric. I was in hell and you were just passing through. You knew what the risks were with me.And you took them.There was more curiosity and less sensibility.I used to be somebody, And you made me somebody else.We burnt with something close to fire. It was unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable . Days were careless.Life was easy.The winds became the gentle words.The clouds became the distant voices.And the "Moon" was a heart flowing in that clouded mirror.Living an illusion was so beautiful.

And I never realized that I was losing myself for something non-existent.Then there was that moment of truth.

Its been a long time since then .Now we sway to different rhythms. Lives lived without meaning or even directed hopes. No demonstrations of devotion.Freedom with no boundaries.The passage of time is measured only by Handmade stupidity. Life is easy this way also.But is this what I wanted ? Will lives ever change ?

Yes ,they will.Ice will break.Silence will be heard.Hearts will be crazy again. Waiting :)

Drag me to hell

hii...
hello..howz u ?
m fine.. hey do u know wats the difference between a Samurai and a ninja ?
nah..not really..All i know is Samurai is a clan of royal guards & ninja is a clan of assassins.
not assassins alone..ninjas are spies also. :)
ok cool..but y u asked ?
JLT. so u say ..how was ur match ?
Dont ask :P. he he. We lost. Even after making 160 runs in 20 overs..
ok..how many did u score?
only 6..but my strikes rate was 200..i came for batting in 20th over with 3 balls to go.
Interesting situation .. u were left wth only 3 balls :p.
U r sick :).
hmmmm..
hmmmmmmmmmm...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..
ok chuck it..so say smthing else ??
tell me why do we live this life?
hmm..I don't live.. I just exist & I exist to continue my existence. y do u live ?
To feel. hmmm.. you can never know it. but it's as vital as breath. And without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, breath is just a clock... ticking.
Wow..I am touched. :p
m not finished.. Seriously..u never feel ?
Does that matter ..Atleast for now ?
ok I wont ask..btw jammy is back to team. m so happy..i just love him.
Cool..he is a classy batsman..and i think he can take the full middle order responsibility.
u r so boring.
Thanks :) . but i dont want to entertain u.
no but i m feeling pretty boring now..can u sing a song for me !!!
R u crazy ? i never sing to galz.Why dont u go and watch some movie .. Did u watch kaminey ?
yeah..I saw ur pic :p. The plex was houseful . but i took the chhota fortcut :P. Got 3 tickets in black for 500 bucks.
yeah..Even i saw it in black.but it was worth the money.Very very fexy :).
y dont u do some exercise and have a body like fahid kapoor ? .. he is so dafing .
ok..Enough now. I can't take more "ph"s. And i think m fit and fine. And i can think about that kinda figure if sumbdy can offer me 1 crore for it.how much does ur dad hav ?
We are poor ppl yaar ..I am always forced to fly in economy class ..Dad is very kanjoos.
So anything else u watched ? U hav anything to recommend me for this week ?
Hmm..yeah 2 3 new flicks. But u wont like..they r more like girly movies. Confessions of a shopaholic .do u like horror movies ? thn check out the movie "drag me to hell". sam raimi.Its awefome .
ok will try. Anyways i m signing off. ll call u tonite. And plz meri maa..remove that jai ho caller tune. I m tired of it. plzzzz..
will try :p . take care & miss me :).
ok i ll :). Bye .tc.

The Hangover

Its 2.30 am & I cannot sleep (-> implies that I m going to get up late for work).I have been watching the tube till late, gotta break the habit. So I am in a preacher’s mood today . I don’t know if this blog makes sense but a boozer will understand what I am talking about. After all Bevda-Bevda Bhai-Bhai :D.

I would like to announce "Let the bottle be uncapped".

Hmmm ..Romanov Red (Shilpa Shetty on the poster not on the bottle yet) .Its not my regular brand but I m trying it out of the novelty factor, something new, let’s try it out, maybe it will send me to heaven and back. And to remind you all , I have never hit a low point in my boozing career i.e. puking after drinks. I don't want to die choked on my own vomit, like Bon Scott of AC/DC, that scares me a lot.

So from now on, I am going to resist temptation to overdose on ETOH(c2h5-oh) or ethyl alcohol. 180 ml is the new magical figure, quarter, pauva, or nip, depends on what you call it. How did people arrive at a certain dose of alcohol? May be our forefathers experimented, I mean in the last 100 to 200 years before arriving at the magical figure of 180. Did they like booze the last night and measured it, and they found that they could still manage accounts the next day without having a hangover. 180 signifies many things, 180 degrees makes a semi circle.90 degrees and it’s a right angle, yeah with 90 ml I am standing straight and walking straight.

I have my quota of 180 in 2 hours, so I can be a little high even after 1 quarter, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I get high with very little alcohol; the sooner I admit that, the more fun it is for me, no more nasty hangovers.

How does alcohol work on the brain, even most scientists don’t know exactly, see such basic questions are there to solve. But the general consensus is that, alcohol sets of a random firing sequence in the person’s synapses. That gives us a feeling of being “HIGH”. So right now my synapses are starting to fire randomly, it’s a lovely feeling, almost floaty, you feel relaxed and hyper in a way, cannot be described one has to experience it to feel it. That’s why I like drinking; I don’t like the taste of alcohol but like the calming or sedative effect. Honest. Alcohol is not bad, but then its not good either, human behavior. I would urge people to try it one time without any inhibitions. It like cough medicine x 5 doses.

So I am going to love my liver and drink 2 pegs an hour and enjoy my AIM (Alcohol In Moderation), let me get back with the results of my Experiments with Alcohol. All I can say now is after the 4th peg is Cheers! to life. Alcohol is not as bad as say cocaine, its our well-earned right and I need to exercise it.

So its 180 ml of 45% proof for me, cheers all the way, yoooo hooo!.I feel like doing something crazy..like marrying Rakhi Sawant or..or like producing "Mika ka swayamvar"(if Rakhi can have it, why not Mika ??). And I am no drunkard. I’m on my fourth peg and I will sleep soundly tonight. I need to turn on to AC/DC now on my cell. Welcome on the high way to Hell :D.

Cheers !!

Cubicile Blues

So after a hectic ( if you can call 30 hrs of sleeping as hectic) weekend, i am back in the same old 4X4 cubcile of mine .cables , wires , switches , routers all around. Seems like back in wonderland and lost.

I greeted her & smiled.
she replied as expected and then thought for a while and added,”How was your weekend? I hope you must have cleaned your room”.
I quickly replied that the weekend was great because I din’t clean my room.
Completely surprised, she asked,"Then what were u doing the whole weekend?”
"Slept”. and a grin flashed ..

”Do you know how does it feel to live in a clean room?”
I thought for a while." I don’t remember actually. The last time it happened was some 4 or 5 years back. Hard to recollect”.
She rolled her eyes as if she was auditioning for a scary flick .
"You mean you never clean your room !!!????”.
" I don't need to. Everything was there where I had thrown it last time”.
Unable to understand that I didn’t want to talk, the dimwit continued,” Where do you sleep then?”

I tried to remember and said “On the floor. The bed had too many things and I didn't want to make the floor dirty once again.”
Enlightened by truth, she looked at me as if I was the most uncouth person she has ever met. Trying to change the subject I just asked her,"How was your weekend?”
“That’s none of your business”. And she was back to work.

TERRIFIED : Me Myself & I

Turning and Turning in the widening gyre.

The falcon cannot hear the falconer.

Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned.

The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.

(WB Yeates- The second coming)

We have reached a stage in history where words have become weedy to fight the menace of terrorism. The tragedy is that terrorism seldom offers any option and has bloomed like a black lotus to become the devil in display. Scary scenes broadcasted in the media show our mass in a state of siege, powerless and mute, reconciling to the events unfolding with trepidation. Are terrorists the devilish smoke we churn out from the factory of democracy? I begin to doubt.

People in this century are in a mad scramble to swallow more beliefs than they can digest. Like cripples we cling to our beliefs desperately like dear possessions. Chekhov‘s prophesy seems more true now than ever- “Man is what he believes”. Animals have fought for food, for territory and for mates, but never before have animals engaged in deadly battles to preserve one set of beliefs over another. The stronger the belief, the greater the intolerance.

Nothing is easier as to delude oneself. When are we going to remove our blindfold of beliefs? What we need is well said by Betrand Russell –“What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out, which is the exact opposite”.

Pessimism prevails. I am scared whether sanity is soon going to be a silly slogan. Whither our salvation?

He .

He cannot “tempt” to virtue as she does . He wants her to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is there He is pleased even with her stumbles. He is not deceived, Wormwood. Every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.♫ He, not events, have the power to make him happy or unhappy today. He can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. He has just one day, today, and he is going to be happy in it.

Life's NOT good

once again i'm at nothing...and once again i'm sitting idle...so, here i'm on the blog arena ..drifting through others' thoughts and emotions..its not the first time that i'm sifting through the blog pages..but the novelty of the feeling remains as fresh as ever...

one-and-a-half hours is what separates me and this all-pervading boredom from welcome freedom...yesterday, i was made to stay back after usual hours and my strong principles didn't like it one bit...as a mark of protest, i had decided against any work today, and have been dutifully fulfilling the promise made to myself...

if anybody is jobless enough to read this, then don't get lost in the convoluted sentences.. that's my way of maintaining your focus, by entangling you in verbiage, when i am short of ideas(could easily have been written thus: "that's what i do when i've nothing to write on"...)...still don't get it?? bloody..i'm trying to waste your time!!!

if you are reading this, then you must be really jobless..very well then..go ahead!!! talking about jobless people, i've come to believe that almost all of the working population is jobless ninety percent of the time...take me as a classic example(those who know me would note the inherent contradiction in this statement)

neway..enough gyan for now....even if i've bored you to death, plz. don't be too charitable with your comments!!

The Burning Infinity

Infinity lies dead, yet the fire of its never-ending furnace burns away, like a flickering candle providing you with the light and the confidence to tread on life's paths. The fuel of that fire is your soul, your life, the more you give in, the brighter it burns, extinguishing only with your existence and the dear, precious thing you call life. The fire will try to fade, to be dimmed by your shadow, and you must fight the urge to do so. The fathomless dark path otherwise known as life can not be treaded if the fire is eclipsed. The more you give, the more clarity will it render to your thoughts, the pathways of this expedition. Extinguishing with clarity is the only thing that you should aim for, rather than going off with fear and lack of knowledge.

Suffering is temporary, for after facing the final truth, death, you will not suffer, but the cosmos will act as your heaven, you home, an infinity to explore. When you suffer, you think "Why?". The reason behind that suffering is not fate, not destiny, it is a consequence of your deeds. Still you suffer, be scared of it, avoid it, without realizing that there is beauty in pain. That this is a test to determine your purity. Fear is impure. Pain is pure. Death is pure. The thought that should be beheld should not be fear of pain or fear of death. Embrace pain, embrace death, when it comes. When the time is ripe, when you fulfill your purpose. Leave greed and gluttony to the mortal plane and think above it.

I will leave you with this monologue
"I am not all, I am one. Yet I am all, all is me, but I am none".